Insights from a Lipstick-Wearing Feminist Part II: What I’ve Learned

It’s hard to believe that after four months of weekly posts, I’m drafting up my final ShoutOut! blog entry for the Spring ’13 semester.  It’s been a semester of intense personal growth for me, and I’ve learned a lot—and changed my mind a lot—as a result of writing, blogging, researching, coffee dates and wine nights, all done bearing the purpose of figuring out exactly what my “brand” of feminism is.

How I feel like I started this semester…

 

I started off the semester with a strong-willed, girl-power piece entitled “Insights from a Lipstick-Wearing Feminist.”  Here, I voiced a budding confidence in my “feminine feminism,” in spite of the notion that femininity can threaten feminism.  I waved off this logic, asserting that I should be true to myself, because that’s the heart of the movement, right?

Go ahead, call me a feminist.

I progressively became less bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and incrementally more pissed off, as my consciousness-raising semester continued.  I started to realize that any deviation from fulfilling my prescribed gender norm was, well, unwelcome, as I discussed in “Speak Like a Lady.”  I also started to question why other women were criticized, and made to feel like outsiders, for not buying into standardized female behaviors.  For example, I enjoy wearing lipstick, dresses, and high heels.  That’s all well and good, and no one is going to give me a double-take for buying into the social norm for how a woman “should” look.  But what about a woman who chooses to not wear makeup?  She’s criticized, as we can see from countless headlines of celebrities who “forgot” their face.  If women are going to be humiliated for making the choice to stray from the norm, then do we really have the freedom of choice to behave, dress, act, and speak as we please?

I learned to apply the term “personal is political” to my everyday life.  I’ve come to understand that I need to make some changes to the conversations I choose to engage in.  I’ve challenged myself to refrain from gossiping about other women—and when I fail, my friends never hesitate to call me out: “hey, that’s crabs-in-the-bucket talk!”  I’ve been much more in touch with the notion of sisterhood this semester, and understanding that as a woman, my words and my actions have the capacity to empower or cripple another woman.  As a feminist, I choose to empower, and I have been actively working on transforming my language to build my sisters up.

Perhaps the most important personal development I’ve experienced in writing for ShoutOut! is my increased comfort in calling myself a “feminist.”  I used to shy away from “the other F word” because of the stigmas attached to the title.  Through this experience, though, I’ve become comfortable promoting my posts on Facebook and Twitter, and openly engaging in these discussions with my readers and my friends.  I’ve been able to make my feminism my own, which encouraged me to claim the title of “feminist” as a fundamental part of who I am.  My heightened sense of liberation and empowerment derived from my feminist consciousness-raising has in turn made me a more confident woman.

Who says we don’t need feminism anymore?

So, in short, it’s been quite a ride this semester.  I’m grateful for the participation of my fellow bloggers, advisers, readers, and friends, for shaping my politics and making me the best version of myself.  I can’t wait to engage in dialogue on even more of these issues next semester!

No Damsel In Distress Here: Anita Sarkeesian and Her Kickstarter Story

I’m a gamer and damn proud.

You won’t catch me toting a DS waiting to update my Animal Crossing town or feed my Nintendogs. I won’t spend hours in front of my tv wasting the brilliance that is the outdoors. And I will never pass up time with friends, to finish that last level of Bioshock Infinite or play one more round of Zombies. However, I will keep up with the industry’s latest and greatest. I do long for that occasional heartwarming nostalgia that comes with replaying an old N64 favorite. And I will always look forward to the occasional follow-up or reimagining of a series like Zelda or Tomb Raider. Gaming has been ingrained within me since as far as I can remember, but it wasn’t until recently that I stumbled upon a daring vlogger who prompted me to reanalyze these pieces of my past with a new feminist perspective.

A month from yesterday will mark the one year anniversary of a bold concept that would later rock the gaming community forever. After being invited to speak to video game development company BUNGiE, vlogger and creator of Feminist Frequency Anita Sarkeesian felt satisfied with her involvement, but realized there was a lot left to be said for the industry as a whole. She decided to launch a Kickstarter campaign to fund a series of videos that would analyze the history of video games from a feminist lens and illuminate the iconic portrayals of women in these games. Little did she know the tidal wave of backlash, harassment, and vandalism that would follow her from arguably the most proverbial of boy’s clubs.

Boys Will Be Boys

Last Wednesday afternoon, I sat down at my kitchen table to do some homework.  Like any normal, procrastinating college student, I headed straight for Facebook, momentarily disregarding the mountain of work silently pleading with me to get busy.  After logging on, my initial intention of posting stupid pictures with cryptic captions was immediately sidelined, as I came across a trending article in my newsfeed that nearly twenty friends had reposted.  My spidey senses started tingling when I realized it was from Jezebel.  I clicked away, and my heart sank as I read the opening statement of the article, as follows:

“A 16-year-old student says she was forced to withdraw from her prestigious Catholic prep school after texting a topless photo to two of the school’s star athletes, who shared it with the entire lacrosse team but received no punishment.  Instead of using the incident as a teachable moment for both male and female students about trust and social media, the administration sent a clear message: girls are ungodly creatures who tempt boys into sin.”

I was immediately appalled, and knew right away that I wanted to write a blog post about this.  As a graduate of a Catholic high school myself, I felt an instant connection to this story.  To boot, the subject of the article, Paul VI Catholic High School in Fairfax, VA, is my alma mater.

Oh, the plot thickens!  In all seriousness though, the school got a lot of heat, and frankly, it’s totally understandable.  However, I want to step away from the parallel of girls being biblically-proclaimed wily temptresses, and come at this controversy from a more religiously-neutral standpoint than Jezebel.

Why “Pro-Anorexia” Is Not Always a Bad Thing…

Summer is here and – ready for some real talk? – all the short shorts and mini dresses are making me feel fat, fat, FAT. Everywhere I turn there seems to be a girl looking better than I ever could in a skin-tight something, reminding me that squeezing into the skinny jeans I owned when I was 21 may not ever be a reality again. Ugh. It sucks to say, but feels good to get off my chest.

I think some feminists have a hard time admitting that they struggle with body image. They know and can cite supporting evidence that American culture holds women to impossible and narrow standards of female “beauty,” but knowing this exists does not make one impervious to its effects. As society polices women, we often police ourselves, internalizing damaging notions of what our bodies “should” look like.

Although it’s an uncomfortable subject, it is one that needs to be addressed, for there is a demographic of women who have taken this internalization to the extreme. They are women who identify as “pro-anorexia,” and although the term alone may shock you, these are not women who should be scorned or judged. Although operating on a different level, the psychology behind these women’s thoughts is not so different from my own “fat” feelings. They are women who need help and support, so, in an effort to promote non-judgmental awareness, let’s take  a closer look at the so-called “thinspiration” movement and lives of “pro-ana” women.

Lookin’ Good, Girrrrl

*Warning:  some foul language is used in this post and in one of the images.

Last week while I walked to work in downtown Harrisonburg, a group of men in a truck drove past me, honked, hooted, hollered, and whistled quite obscenely at me.  My initial reaction was one of fear—I quickened my pace to the law firm where I am an intern.  The subsequent emotion was infuriation.  Taking the mature route, I decided to vent to my Facebook friends in the form of a very pointed status:  “To the assholes who felt compelled to shout and whistle at me on my walk to work: if you don’t want your sister, mother, or daughter to be treated like that, you probably shouldn’t treat any woman that way at all.” 

The status was quite visible—it got 51 likes, almost exclusively from women.  What was interesting, though, was the reaction from the men who commented on my status.  One wrote in, saying, “You’ve got to take compliments when you can get them.”  Another asked what the problem was—if a girl whistled at him, he would feel complimented.  He wondered if this was a “gender thing,” to which a woman replied, “yes, it’s totally a gender thing.”

As a disclaimer, I’m not vilifying any of the folks who commented on this status.  I don’t disparage anyone for taking a different approach from myself; rather, I commend them for challenging my politics, and giving me something to chew on over the past few days.  That being said, I wondered how I could convey a few sentiments to raise awareness about this gender discrepancy. 

Imposed Cultures: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Welcome to my fourth installment of Imposed Cultures, a series that takes a closer look at common societal practices and beliefs to reveal that what we often think of as “natural” is anything but! Today we are going to explore the popular idea that  ”Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” While many people use the scientific “truth” that men and women have different brains to explain gender divides, there is actually a lot wrong with this theory – starting with the fact that I don’t even like chocolate.

Unequal Standards: Involved Fathers

In the wake of the Sheryl Sandberg’s provocative book Lean In, urging women to speak up against workplace inequality, the social consciousness of women’s inequality is rising in general. Amid debate over Sandberg’s standing on the subject and other matters of social unrest, an unlikely subject caught my eye for this week’s post. Last week it was brought to my attention that men have little to no leg to stand on when it comes to child rearing in our society’s eyes. When it comes to being an involved father, life doesn’t seem to throw any kind of bone.

Why I need feminism

I read an article about a month ago by Fox News contributor Suzanne Venker, entitled, “To be happy, we must admit women and men aren’t equal”.  Uh, what?  While many of my peers rolled their eyes and gave me that “what did you expect?” look when I told them about it, I still maintain that feminism is accessible to everyone, and transcends ideological and political boundaries.  However, the fact that a fellow woman could be so degrading to her own sex is frankly abhorrent, and for this reason, I will actually take up my allotted 500-800 words to discuss this piece.

As a quick synopsis, Ms. Venker bashes feminism for the manner in which it has allegedly catalyzed “mass confusion” rather than liberation.  She contends that gender is not a social construct, and that equality presupposes interchangeability of one thing for another, and on these grounds, men and women aren’t equal.  Pissed off yet?  Allow me to continue.

Social Constraints: Emily’s Story

Sitting in the beautiful spring sun, a girl from my dorm and I were enjoying the welcomed breeze of fresh mountain air. We were on the subject of our perspective futures, brought up by the fact that our first year in college was drawing to a close and we were both considering switching majors. Emily (changed name) was upset by her parent’s disappointment in her decision to opt out of JMU’s prestigious nursing program for a major in social work. Trying to be a good friend, I listened and affirmed that her decision was good and could still prove a rewarding career. What occurred next would haunt me to this day as an spiritual awakening that would lay groundwork that turned me into a feminist.

She began explaining her thought process behind the decision, I expectantly listened, and when she ended her diatribe I turned towards her and asked if she could repeat her last statement.

Constrained Choice: More power to us?

I recently wrote a post on whether Pinterest is killing feminism, and stipulated that Pinterest isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  After all, it can be used to promote pro-feminist (or, at least not anti-feminist) sentiments.  More fundamentally, Pinterest is a user-generated platform, meaning it is reflective of what the users themselves choose to pin.  And anyway, who are we to criticize what someone chooses to pin?

After much thought, countless discussions (but seriously, check out the comment thread on “What’s So Pinteresting?” for some pretty awesome discourse), and quite a bit of research, I’ve decided that this topic is worth revisiting, as it opens up a pretty consequential discussion on the matter of choice.  I find myself often inclined to say something along the lines of “feminism is a choice, and we should all respect one another for our choices, and at its core feminism is about equality, so the matter of what a woman ‘pins’ is rather trivial.”  Perhaps this is too simplistic in scope, though.  It’s not about taking what’s on your virtual pin board at face value:  there’s a lot more at stake for feminism than that.

The fact is that what a woman puts on her Pinterest board is a reflection of what she values.  Given that the feminist movement lends profound credence to the idea that the “personal is political”, there is absolutely a link between what a woman personally values, and how this relates to her lived politics.  I won’t rescind my prior stance that “feminine is not anti-feminist”, nor will I advise anyone to drop what she’s doing and remove those pins that relate to clothes, jewelry, or Martha Stewart.  I’ll admit, though, that we make a huge mistake in thinking that we have the freedom to pin (read: value) whatever we want.  While that’s partially true, as women, we are still socialized to value certain things over others.  Pinterest is problematic in that it is a virtual prototype that reveals the misconception in assuming that a woman’s choice is entirely her own.  Enter the notion of “constrained choice,” and how it relates to a problem that is, as I’ve said before, much bigger than Pinterest.